After reading an article this week about a fridge that sent spam email, I was disturbed to discover that my washing machine has begun leaving notes for people…..
Insurance person: So, can you please tell me what happened to the phone, be sure to include any relevant details…
Me: Well, I knew something was up when my husband (from now on referred to as ‘It’ or ‘he’) suggested I go out for New Year’s Eve, and volunteered to watch the kids. I mean, he never does that. And I didn’t want to go out on my own with another couple, that’s a bit weird really, So I said no, and he kept trying, but I was poorly and got more poorly and ended up with antibiotics and having a chest xray, so I really couldn’t go out. Anyway, I found out he was being nice because he wanted me to babysit so he could go and watch a football match on New Year’s Day. I mean, he didn’t ask or anything, he just told his parents he was going in front of me so I knew. Then he got a message about going out with the guy who I don’t like him going out with because he ALWAYS stays out later than he says he will and ends up in a stupid state cos they drink too much. But anyway, I get left in with the kids. He promises them to come back straight after the match, and says he’s not going out with THAT guy. And toddles off. keeps in touch for a bit… Then rings to say he’s getting a cab home, An hour later than he promised, but in time for kids bedtime. But then he doesn’t appear. bedtime comes and goes, big kid throws a wobbler. Phone is turned off… I try to sleep. I get up and watch Sherlock, I try to go to sleep again. He appears at midnight, without coat, phone or house keys. Luckily, wallet and car keys were in it’s trouser pockets. (I mean, who takes their car keys out drinking?). It passes out on sofa, after I activate ‘find my iphone’ and try to put his phone into lost mode (with a message saying ring this number, reward offered). Then big kid wakes and up and arrives in my bed, wanting to know where dada is. I tell him he’ll be back for breakfast.. It starts snoring from room next door. Really loudly. Big kid “What’s that?” me “that naughty cat!”. kid not too convinced, stays awake for a few hours, kicking me. Little kid wakes at half four. Mama near collapse. It wakes up. Explains left coat on back of chair, with friends, whilst went to bar. Friends turned to talk to someone, it realises coat gone when ready to leave. Wasn’t out with person I disapprove of, honest. I cancel phone as hasn’t been switched on at all. I need to go to the phone shop to get a new sim card. Did I mention, that whilst it’s his phone, I’m calling because it’s actually my contract. I got it for him to use. I am a fool. So I need to go to the shop. And I can’t leave the house because someone out there has a set of my keys. So we need to change the lock. And he lost the only key to our back door a few days ago, which is a nightmare, because I have to walk the rubbish around the back of my street to put it out now, and I can’t bolt the front door and go out the back. Honestly, I’ve lived with this guy for 10 years and been married for 3.. He’s lucky I still am. REALLY lucky. And that bank gives us phone insurance. and that he’s so lazy the box with phone info was still on the computer desk. Where it has been for 15 months. Phone wasn’t even registered for insurance. Glad you can register and claim at same time. A bit cross today, really – Sorry, what was the question again?
Insurance person: I’ll just have to put that as ‘taken from a pocket then’
Me *thinking* What? not enough relevant detail?
I hope you’re all having a better start to the year than me!